so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
