I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I understand Curling. That high.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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