wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
