i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
