i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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