He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
