You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
