It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
