There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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