dude i'm inner monologue high
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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