covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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