the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
