i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
