how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
