1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You can't motorboat a personality
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
