I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
