just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
