That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
