Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Everything about him screamed your future.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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