Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
