I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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