He is an equal opportunity slut.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
