I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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