thus making me awesome and them whores
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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