Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
