I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
