first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
