what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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