just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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