when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You need Xanax blowdarts
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
