you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I love having hate sex.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
