i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What a dumb baby whore.
Boobs speak an international language.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
