okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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