just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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