that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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