I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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