Got a toothbrush?
I think my fart just growled at me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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