I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
