I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
