Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
