So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
