I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize