Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
