She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
