He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
please come you make the beer taste better
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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