: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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