I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
