I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
