Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
