I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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